Does anyone else get SHY at large networking events?

Hi Jamie,

Yes, I do also sometimes.  I think a lot of networkers feel that way although may not admit it outright.  Sometimes I find someone who is by themselves and approach them.  I have mentioned "I am out of my comfort zone with all these people I don't know" and go from there.  Often, they open up and feel relieved. 

Another good conversation topic is "how did you get in this business"?  People love to talk about themselves and that gives them open opportunity to do so.

Good luck and hope that helps.

Leslie

I truly don't get intimidated much.  I more find myself not in the mood to chat it up, which can be just as bad.  But, when I am at a function,  I try to start out with a more general, chatty approach.  I'm never a fan of the "hey, I'm going to get in your face and talk business right away, by the way, here's my card" kind of networking.  I make a coment about a food that they are serving, something funny that someone may have done at the meeting, me tripping up the stairs - whatever it may be.  Then, go from there.   That might help and take some pressure off of the whole thing. 

Jamie:  I can completely relate!  On the Meyers-Briggs, I am an ENTJ (with the E standing for "extroversion" off the charts!) ---- yet, just like you, I find those inner butterflies swooping around when I approach a room of strangers.  Having always been in the technology industry,  it gets even worse.  Some very smart people (particularly "techies") are not always prone to smiling, to talking to people they never met before, or to making small talk.  (Ever have a cocktail party conversation about trends in I.T. service management, best practices in data secuirty, or what is the optimal database management tool?  Bleeech....).  I think asking people questions is the way to go, absolutely. Sometimes a comment on current affairs, and letting them express their opinions (without debate) is an alternative; and I think that (right or wrong) asking them what they do outside of work is another alternative, as long as it doesn't seem too prying and they seem willing to share.  You can find out fascinating things about people.  Everyone is pretty interesting, in the long run, you know?  So my philosophy is to assume that there is a lot to learn from a room full of strangers, and do my best to learn a few things with that precious investment of time.  (Doesn't always work....but is always worth the try!).  Additionally, the "buddy system" is a good approach.  Go with someone you know.  Deliberately split up.  Then "reconvene" at the end of the night to find out who each of you has met!  Can be fun..  Hope that's helpful?  I'd love to hear some more creative approaches to this common dilemma.

The scariest event I ever went to was a 4 day industry conference out of town.  I remember going to the first big social event and I decided to look for people that were by themselves and just say hello and ask if they had been to the conference before.  I ultimately made several friendships that continue to this day.

Maybe I get this from my father, who was a salesman, but I can usually find something to talk about with anyone.  And I remind myself that if I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable, there is bound to be someone else feeling the same way.

Hi, Jamie!
Walking into a room not knowing anyone can be intimidating.  The thing to remember is that Networking is a 'contact sport', if you will.  If you don't like the 'So, what do you do?' questions. . . don't ask them!!  Why not start with a smile? (You're smiling in your picture, so that's an easy one!) It's the best accessory anyone can bring with them.

Think about the things you may have in common with the people at the event. Once you find common ground, you'll find your conversation will be so comfortable that you'll forget how you felt when you walked in. The best conversationalists are those who are very good at asking questions. Find what questions you like to ask and you'll be golden!

Hi Jamie.  I think the most important thing to keep in mind is that when you are at a networking event, most if not all of the other attendees are there for the same purpose.  That is, to network!  Networking is being able to meet and get to know as many worthy individuals as possible.  Your mission is not to worry about what other people think.  Rather, it is to serve the purpose of introductions, garnering information and forging relationships.  I am sure that you are not alone in your ambivalence.  However, you should first focus on the task at hand (not your shyness), and perhaps first make introductions to those that are also alone.  If there are only groups of individuals, then you simply have to toughen up and introduce yourself. 

Obviously, you are a product of the modern day.  So many relationships are formed on the internet, and not through personal contact.  However, those social (personal) skills are very important in the business world!

Remember the purpose of networking!  It is not a popularity contest!  By the way, most people love to be asked, "...so, what do you do?"

When I meet up with someone that I met up at a different event then I am fine and can bounce off of them.  I am really an extrovert just super conscious when it comes to where I am at in my career.  I guess that is my main problem because once we are talking then I am fine even if they are a stranger.  Plus, everyone seems to know my name from everywhere I go.  I am NOT shy by any means just intimidated by the question, "What do you do."

Which you are perfectly right about it being about relationships and NOT about where you are in your career.  Plus, people like to help people that are rookies.  I think that is just my issue.  I know that you need to build relaitonships and it is better to sorround yourself with WHERE YOU WANT TO BE, instead of WHERE YOU ARE. 

I just noticed that happened at the Social Media event.  I do have a notecard with how to approach the what I do question.  I posted it on LI and I got a really good answer that I am going to use.  So I can get over that part, because I ask a ton of questions and I can connect people so that isn't a problem.  I would rather do that then talk about myself.

Sounds to me like you are MORE than on the right track!  Thanks for sharing.

See you soon ---- and I'll have to make sure I come up and ask you a good question!

LOL

I did manage to forget ONE thing.  I don't know how to NOT be so shy when asking for contacts or cards?  WE all know Terry Bean, doesn't want you to go and be gun shy about just handing them out, so I was wondering, when is the appropriate time?

Good Morning Jamie,

Question: "so what do you do?"    "I get to meet the most interesting people, I am the hostess at the Palace."   Then go into more detail on what you do or what you are looking to do.  I know if you told me at an event that you were the hostess at the Palace, my curiosity would peak. 

One other thing I do, is join a group to listen, finding out more of what they do.  Then when the opportunity presents itself, I churp in with a question.

Hope to run into you at a networking event.  I would like to hear more of what a hostess at the Palace does. 

Merry

Jamie,

MCC is one group that gives you a ton of ammunition for starting conversations with other members at our events. When you plan on attending an event review the RSVP list. Click on each member and find out in advance what they do. Also review some of their past posts. Pick a couple of people in advance who you feel share your values and you would like to start a FRIENDSHIP with and do your best to meet them. If you genuinly like someone the relationship has an excellent chance of bearing fruit either from a personal or a business perspective. Do you think Charlie and Terry could give the great seminars they do without really liking each other?

As I said earlier we can learn a lot about each other by reading the posts here. Look at Terry Bean, he's practically a shrink and Linda Anger is a Equestrian Goddess. Look at all the events and pick the ones that interest you and have attendees that are interesting to you and go armed with information about them and I don't think you will have any trouble meeting people. Instead of saying what do you do say I hear yo like to do such-and-such, how did you get involved with that?

Just a thought

I find the best time to give a card is when someone asks for one.

Actually I did attend one of Terry Bean's classes.  That is how I learned to NOT be "That guy," that shoves business cards down your throat.  I just find the situation awkward and it isn't just in the businss card setting but also at an informational interview.  I still have yet to get someone's contacts and I have had two of them so far. 

I have been to a few events.  I guess that is why I know what doesn't work.  I just have been leaning towards Tweet Ups because they seem easier to me for some reason.  Easy isn't always good though.

Jamie,

It's never easy but doing it can make it easier over time. There is one thing that has come to mind though. Use those techniques that suit your personality to begin with and slowly incorporate others over time. Spend a little time to see which ones work best for you and occassionally abandon your comfort zone and try new ones. Over time you will discover those that fit you and help you to develope the confidence to display the true personality that lurks within. Confidence helps you to be genuine.