Does anyone else get SHY at large networking events?
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I am just wondering. I can post up a storm here, chat at Tweet Ups but that is ONLY becuase I happened to know some of the people there. If I go to a room with NOT a single person I know I get intimidated.
To further your career you need to surround yourself with people that you can learn from. I get that because I am starting at the very bottom but at the same time. I would like to be able to go up to one stranger and just start talking.
I guess I am NOT a big fan of WHAT DO YOU DO and the ASK question. I am intimidated by it.
How do you curb this fear? How do you break the ice I guess you could say?
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To be honest I think all of this has helped considerably. I have had a great response and everyone has contributed something different that I may not have considered. Maybe because of where I am at in my career I am having problems. Now that I have a script, know how to start a conversation with someone, etc. I am guessing it will be ok.
A classic example of taking MCC offline at the Luncheon after the Social Media training was Andy Flynn. He came up to me and he knew exactly who I was because I am a die hard Wings fan. So that was a perfect conversation starter.
Thank you to everyone that has answered.
My thoughts:
1. I find a lot of what happens at a networking event depends on my energy level. Some days I feel invincible and I meet so many great people. Other events, I'm at low energy and revert to shyness. I still meet people, just not as many. I've learned to understand how I'm feeling before I get to the event and set my expectations accordingly.
2. I never hand out a card unless asked for one. Even then, I'll sometimes have some fun and ask the person asking for my card, "why do you want it?" or "what are you going to do with it? It's actually a better thing to get their card anyways. That way you can add them to YOUR database
When I am at a networking event, I always have my cards and give not one but two to those who after speaking with them maybe will use them or those who ask for one. It is to use and one to share. Having a cake business, which is sometimes a spare of the moment need, I want all that will keep them for future or current use to have one and one to share.
Also, on another note, on the business cards I request I write a note on the back as to why I wanted it and where & when I spoke to this person, so I know who they were and what exactly the business is (expecially if they don't have their picture on it, but that is another subject). When I get home I put their card information in a Speadsheet I keep on businesses, listing company name, person I spoke to, what the business does. I have different worksheets for different groups and/or types of businesses (MCC, Insights, etc) I then put the business cards in A-Z file for future use.
Hope this helps
Merry
Jamie,
I still have a hard time with this too, and am not where I want to be either. However, I am enjoying my journey, and am not afraid to say that. You might find that some of those slightly older successful professionals will see what they used to be, when they look at you. They might even end up giving you even more advice, help, and business because they wished that they had someone do that for them when they were starting out.
Still, sometimes I get stage fright; my mind just draws blanks with small talk and striking up conversations. I am wondering if it's a unfortunate side affect of our current culture (Internet, late night jobs, and driving everywhere). Regardless of why this is a problem for many of us, it's hard to change. Scripts and practice definitely help, but don't get rid of the feeling of uneasiness. I've found that choosing who you are before hand really does help. When I go into a uneasy situation, I choose my favorite parts of my character beforehand. Doing that along with a memorized script can be very valuable in communication. Once it works several times, the uneasiness usually resides.
A growing problem for me is overcompensating or talking a little to much. With practice, we'll eventually get it right.
Hi Sean,
Now that you've got a month under your belt as an MCC member what do you think of the group? I see you bounced back and forth between Saginaw and Detroit, what lead you back with what seems to be a solid commitment to this area? I see that you have made several attempts at starting your own business, some were failures but a couple met with some success. Can you share with me what you learned from them especially the failures? I really like your statement that you have to find yourself before you realize your full value to others. Are you there yet and what can we do to help?
At MCC especially the way this web site is set up you can find out a whole lot of information about its' members. If you are attending an MCC event check the RSVP list, find out who is goiing to be there. Click on the name and find all the information you need to start a conversation.
Just a thought.
For those who caught my blunder, "led"
I'm very nervous in front of a big group and people that I don't know. You just have to push yourself out there. Is would be nice if you can go with people that you know to social networking event. Usuallly, I email friends or people that I know that might be interested of going. They probably don't know anything about the events. You can form a small group to support each other. I'm trying to form a small group that would love to mentally supports each other and help each other to accomplish our 2009 goals.
I hope this information will help you.
Duane:
Your suggestions are absolutely brilliant!
Oh schucks Lin, if you could only see my face now.
Thank you.
Wow, most people are intimidated at social gatherings. Just remember you never know if that person you passed by is what you have been looking for, so I just take a deep breath and say hello to everyone. All my personality tests say large crowds are my biggest obstacle.
I am not saying it is scary at times, but if you really just watch people for a time you will notice by their actions they are in the same boat as you.
"Hi my name is Candice Montie and I am Financial Advisor who loves what she does and loves to learn new things all the time". Now you know someone so say hello next time, I would love to chat.
HAVE A WONDERFUL PROSPEROUS YEAR!!!!
Candice
Thank you for all your different answers. They are all valuable and bring a different perspective to networking.
I know the problem lies in what I do. I can find someone that I know and then let them say most of the stuff. I am NOT completely scared to walk into a room of people that I don't know becuase I walked into a Tweet up and didn't know the Tweeters or what the heck Twitter was! Now I can't really imagine my life with out it. It has helped my internship so much and it is only the second week.
I am NOT sure if I went about it the right way but the person that said, "No" told me "No" because it involved financial statements and stuff like that. So I thought I will go to the Emarketing people at the National Office. Turns out they had implemented the same program in different chapters and they are going to start it in a couple of weeks.
I am a way better networker online. LOL!
But the script, I heard Toastmasters would help me with my Networking skills as well. I might try that... I am NOT sure yet. I want to but I need to figure out where it would fit in my schedule.
I am still trying to buck it up and FINALLY talk to John Hahn of the Red Wings. I have been his biggest fan since 2004 when I first found out that he was the Director of Communications. So when I am at the Joe for a game that will be my first test of the New Year to go up to him when he doesn't seem that busy.
I am the same way. For me its really just a matter of mind over matter. I realized one day to just get over it. It's not a big deal and just do it.
Don't get me wrong, I still strugle with it. As much as I do strugle with it, it really is as simple as that. It takes less effort to "Just do it" then it does to scare one self into curling up into a little ball and not say anything. It's just become more comfortable to act that way because this is what we are used to doing.
The more you pracitce the posative thinking of "Just Do It" the more comfortable that attidtude will becomes.
Hi Duane,
Sorry I didn't reply sooner. I somehow managed to miss that post. I am book marking your site, and will be looking back at it regularly. You've already helped me, as your site has some very relevant information to my current projects, which are in the start-up and planning phases.
Thank you for the warm welcome. I appreciate your reply, and your interest.
My commitment to the area came from the supportive nature of the business and non-business community, coupled with Metro Detroit's central location. I was also impressed by the recent improvements Downtown, and loved the idea of being so close to international shipping options. It's also fulfilling to be a positive force in a city with so many opportunities for entrepreneurs, and so much potential.
In regards to my past learning experiences; I could talk about those all day. So instead, I will just tell you the one greatest thing I have learned. Business, success, and life in general is a team sport. You will get no where without putting yourself out there to help and meet others first, and opening yourself to criticism. You know, it seems like most teams are made up of horrible and inexperienced players, or worse, "every man for himself" dream teams. As with any team, one must have the right players. Everyone must have something to contribute, and everyone must have something to motivate them to succeed.
Of course, I still have a lot to practice yet. I am working on a start-up right now, with my fiance. Her dream is to own a single apparel and accessory flagship boutique, and establish brands in body jewelry, accessories, apparel, and home decor. Our demographic is young teen to twenty something females. I am looking to speak with small business retailers who might be able to benefit from carrying our "interesting" selections of products. I am at least worth talking with.
Currently I'm working on our business plan and web site for the above. We are getting some help from a couple other MCCers, and should be up and running by March. We will actually be documenting the process on our e-commerce blog; Entreprenize. We both will be attending MCC events, starting in March.
Edited for grammar
Jaime, as you can see you are not alone in your struggle to feel comfortable in networking situations. Most of us have been there before. What I have found works well is to have a "job" or function within the organization hosting the event or to volunteer at the event. That then gives you the confidence from feeling that you belong there, you have a role other than self promotion. Not only that but it also gives you very natural conversation starters.
Have you ever visited a Toastmasters group? TM is an excellent forum for improving communications and leadership skills in a supportive environment. Through the program, members gain confidence through public speaking and leadership roles. Not only that, but it is a forum to practice extemporaneous speaking skills that are so essential in a live networking situation. I serve as VP Membership for Troy Toastmasters and welcome you as our guest. We meet Thursdays from 11:45-12:45 at 950 Stephenson Hwy, Troy.
Programs such as BRAG through the Sterling Heights area Chamber of Commerce teach networking skills and meet weekly to exchange referrals. I like this group in particular because there is a system and structure involved. I'd be happy to share more with you.
Remember that people want to like you...Get out there and be awesome!
Teresa
Those are some great suggestions Teresa. One thing great about MCC is, one person's question can lead to numerous answers and suggestions regarding strategies that can benefit all those who chose to learn. Thanks for the suggestions.